That's right, good friend and fellow CR contributor and enthusiast Bill Gladman has become the bane of my existence!
Why, you ask? Well, it's simple really: He's doing everything I want to be doing!!!
Bill Gladman at one point was a hefty dude. Granted, for the past couple of years, I've been a pretty hefty dude too, but Bill was heftier. Then this little thing called the Get Fit Initiative came along and Bill got on board. As I watched the updates from week to week I thought to myself, well that's good for Bill. But I never dreamed that the day would come when he would surpass me.
Sure enough, though, a few weeks ago that day arrived. Bill Gladman dropped down to 243 pounds while I had skyrocketed up to 252, the heaviest I've been in my life I believe.
Then something happened... I lost 12 pounds! Great, right? Down to 240 and I was okay again. The only problem is I lost those twelve pounds in... two days! Yep, two days. I was sick and became dehydrated, ended up in the hospital and got correct. Sadly, I quickly put four pounds back on, but for a short while I was smaller than Bill Gladman again.
Two weeks later I got dehydrated again, and wound up in the hospital again. That was just a few days ago in fact. I have the giant bruise on my arm where they couldn't find my vein because I was so dehydrated and kept moving the needle around inside to prove it!
Before there is alarm, know that I am not starving myself. In fact, I've been eating three square meals a day. Just when my gallbladder starts acting up I can't eat much, and then I get sick and can't hold stuff down, and so on and so forth.
So, I got back down to 241 and was so happy. Then I read today that Bill is down to 239.
Curse you, Bill Gladman!!!
Of course, I then weighed myself and discovered I was back up to 243, so double curses, Gladman!!!
And if all this weight loss stuff wasn't enough, Bill is also involved in thirty million comic projects simultaneously!!! And he's actually printing books! I know because I put the order in for one of them! While it took me eight years to put out the first full issue of mine!!!
So Bill is healthy, productive, and working regularly, while I'm... well, me.
And this is why I HATE BILL GLADMAN!!!!!
In all seriousness, Bill, I love you, man!